Let's take the time to mend these smiles

Things that cheer me up:

-Shopping (Retail Therapy does wonders)

-Baking

-Music (currently the Dirty Projectors)

-Arrested Development

-Nutella (this is dangerous, however as the post-fat blues can occur)

-Hugs & Kisses (silly but true)

-Boston Terrier pictures

-Hiking in the woods

I better get on it.

The walls I Hide behind You walk through You just walk through

The last nights of summer 2012, I’ll never forget them. We went to the Sagrada Familia to see it lit up. I tell you how much the sacred place means to me, how beautiful the relationship between nature and religion as it’s displayed in Gaudi’s work. You ask me to take you someday soon so you can experience it’s beauty too. We walk into a brightly lit Catalan Bar. You order me and my friends drinks. We make fun of the strange decor of rock walls and how it seems like we’re in a hospital cafeteria. We take a taxi down to the park to see a friend’s performance. You hold me tight on the back of my neck, which makes me melt every time. You joke with my friend about opening an 80s/90s bar here in Barcelona, then I tell you one already exists and take you there. We drink and laugh and decide it’s getting late. We walk my friends back to their house and continue to mine. On the way there we can’t help but erupt into kissing episodes. We can’t stop. Up against a wall on Vildomat and Floridablanca we hear a strange noise. You look down and we notice a dragonfly trapped in between the gate and door. I try saving it by getting it to climb on my hand. It keeps flying back into the gate and we realize we can’t save it. The next night we meet up with friends to eat dinner and go see the fireworks. We all feel so lucky to live in such a marvelous place. We feel lucky to know each other.

You hold me in the right way and speak to me with kindness. You’re the positive light I’ve been looking for. You’re the goofiest person I’ve ever met. You laugh and smile constantly. I’ll be honest…I’m impressed and a little overwhelmed. You talk about our future plans together and I really want them to happen. “Let’s rent a car and go explore Spain”. You told me you’d never do anything to hurt me, to trust you. I feel the trust in your hands and kisses. “I feel so close to you” you say. I’ve still got my guard up, but it’s crumbling.

I’ve got frogs in my underpants

“May the light always find you on a dreary day; when you need to be home, may you find your way. May you always have courage to take a chance, and may you never find frogs in your underpants”

I baked a cake today; chocolate. I made a yogurt frosting and decorated it with coconut and rainbow sprinkles. I then devoured the middle and threw it out. That’s how bored I was. Bordem makes me fat and depressed.

It’s been a strange day, a strange couple months. Not working very much is not good for me and not only from a monetary stand point. Although without much money, I can’t do a whole lot. This cabin fever has made me crazy.

Maybe I’m also feeling strange because I talked to two ex-boyfriends today and a guy I’ve been “seeing” on the regular for purely physical purposes. He and I talked about love and it was strange to discuss something that you don’t share with someone emotionally even though for hours at a time you act like you do physically.

Today I also finally decided when I’m flying back to California. My return ticket is only valid one year. So I’ll leave Barcelona on April 10th, 2013. It makes me feel upset, just thinking about the day I leave. I was enjoying the fact that I didn’t know when I was going back, it felt good to be spontaneous, to have no deadline. No obligations. But it’s too expensive to just disregard a ticket I’ve already paid for, so I’ll leave. I know I can’t stay here forever. After all, I will be illegal come October. This makes life harder for me. Plus, I’m considering traveling again. Probably to Chile or Argentina. So I’ll need to save up again before I start a new adventure.

There is a lot to look forward to as well. I’m going to visit someone in Scotland at the end of the month. I’ve got friends to visit in Amsterdam and Prague. I’m planning a trip to rent a van this winter and drive around Spain for a week or two with friends. I want to see Paris and Berlin. I want to start Spanish classes again.

Autumn is coming, I hope. Sunny days and a crisp cool air always cheer me up.

sk8r boi

I am on the dance floor, sandwiched between two Spanish Skater bros with their oversized t-shirts, puffy shoes, and egos. They are flirting like the thirteen year old sk8r bois I once desired. One sticks a bottle through his pants. I play along, why not? I try to grab the bottle from his legs. We dance to snoop dog and jay-z. I suddenly feel like I’m thirteen again. He tries to kiss me, I give him my neck. I kiss his neck. Then he tries to grab me, so I push back and dance away. His afro friend decides to swoop in. “She’s mine, he says”. We dance and I let him kiss me

Boy: “I take you home. We don’t just kiss. We have to have sex”.

I have never heard a more forward thing in my life. Although I want to, I don’t trust him. He leaves after I don’t say anything to his proposal.